I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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