you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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