Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
