I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
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They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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