I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
