I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
