she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
