i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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