i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
