Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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