Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
