It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
