you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
