Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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