So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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