Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
