did you get engaged???
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
