my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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