I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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