How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
