I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
