Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
