i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
