Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
