hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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