dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
