So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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