I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
