The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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