I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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