Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
