So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
