Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.