Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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