I just saw a hot homeless man
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?