When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.