going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize