Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
