I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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