oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
