I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
