When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
