It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
