I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
