Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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