is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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