Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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