Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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