I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I love you.
Bad choice
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
