i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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