mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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