hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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