I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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