That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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