my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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