So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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