I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
