new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think my moral compass just broke
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
