i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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