I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
