I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize