When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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