how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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