i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
