So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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