I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
