the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
