she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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