Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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