got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who died my cat blue again?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
