I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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