The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
third nipple confirmed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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