I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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