Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
