You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's the barista slut.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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