I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
