Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
even my farts smell like vagina
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
