Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
