Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
