I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
