I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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