Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
