Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
