someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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