Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
