Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
