So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize