Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
