look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
